Sometimes to be me...

Sometimes to be me means to be blindsided by delight, to be tangled in joy, and lit from within with love.


Sometimes to be me means to be reverent and quiet, just drinking in beauty.

Sometimes to be me means to have my eyes tear up because I am so grateful for all that I have, all that I have been given and all that is waiting.

Sometimes to be me means it is inordinately hard to figure out how to be my idealist self in this very mucky real world place.

Sometimes to be me is painful... to see so much love, to see so much pain, to let so much in and out of my heart.

Sometimes to be me is to have to let go to things I would much rather hold on to, and sometimes it means I need to hold on when I would just prefer to let go.

Sometimes to be me means the weight of all of the world is just too much and I wonder if it is worth it, to love this much, to feel this much, to know this much.

But always...

It is best to be me. No matter what... because the pain comes from denying myself, from trying to fit into places I don't fit, from making my soul or my love too small or fitting myself into places made for someone else or someone else's version of me.

I am meant to be radiantly joyful, beautiful, and perfectly me.

And I am learning....

I am learning how to live in this body and claim it as mine.

I am learning how to be radiantly joyful in the midst of pain and to make room for blessings when I am frozen in fear.

I am learning when to hold on and when to let go.

I am learning to ask for help and then be willing to receive it.

I am learning that often the right choice for me is the one that feels effortless and I no longer need to push boulders up hills... that sometimes the easier choice is the right choice

I am learning that we all stumble, we all fall, we all need grace and everything we need is right in front of us.

You are more than your pain...

A friend talked about how she was listening to a John O'Donohue interview where he had said "you are more than your pain"... and it occured to me that that is something I need to remember now.


I am more than my pain.

I am more than this moment.

I am more than my losses.

Yes, they have carved their presence deep within my heart. But even larger yet is the love that has tended my wounds, the grace that has washed over me daily, and the hope that holds me in the midst of the darkness.

I was reminded...

I was reminded tonight of a lot of things.
Gathering with good friends can do that.

I was reminded of how beautiful my friends are, on the inside and out...
I was reminded how sometimes we tend to forget our beauty and it is nice to be reminded...
I was reminded of how much we crave authenticity...
I was reminded how we are all so different~ yet we each bring something so unique and needed to our little hodge-podge mix of friends...
I was reminded of how healing it is to laugh with friends that have laughed with you, cried with you, who know you in all of your moods
I was reminded how spending time with them is like slipping into a warm pair of your favorite pjs.
I am reminded of how much we need each other.
I am reminded of how truly blessed I am.

Love...

The only answer is love.

The only question then becomes "what does love look like in this situation?"

Eyes of Love

What would happen if you looked at yourself through the eyes of love.
If you were willing to offer yourself the same kindness and compassion you so freely give others.
What if you settled into the knowledge that you are enough,
right here,
right now,
just as you are.

No fixing, no perfecting, no mad dash to hide anything.
Just simply showing up, just as you are...
Enough.
Bathed in love,
Held in light.
Surrounded by grace.

Enough.
Right now, down to the depths of your toes.
Just as you are.
Enough.

A thought...

Bravery begets bravery...
sometimes it is good to be reminded.

Letting go and making room...

I have been doing a lot of soul work lately... diggingly deeply with honesty, vulnerability and more than a little trepidation and looking at things that I want to let go of.  And as I list all of the things that I am letting go of and feeling all of the emotions that come along with that tonight it struck me that this should be my journal prompt "What could you make room for?"

And I realized that although I have been looking so intently at grief and loss and what I am letting go of, what I am losing, what I am releasing in focusing on that, I haven't given myself the opportunity to dream... I haven't stopped to think with all of this emptiness in my heart- what could I be making space for...

I am making space for love, for deep connections.
I am making space for the ability to move quickly to meet people where they are at, without having to pack up everything in my heart before I leave to meet them.
I am making space for possibility, for compassion, for light, for grace.

I am making room for light to enter, in the cracks of my certainty, in the crumbling walls of my defenses light and beauty have found their way through.
I am making room for healing.
I am making room for me stepping more fully into myself... into my power, into my own skin.

What are you making space for?

Holding space...

I will hold a space for you.
Large enough for your pain,
wide enough for love,
deep enough for grace.

What I have learned...

I have been crabby all day. 

A friend listened to me, didn't try to fix it, but just held the space for me as the tears fell...

and what do you know my crabbies went away...

I am learning the crabbies are usually just tears in disguise...

What if...

You are enough.


Stop striving, stop trying to reach perfection- you are losing yourself in the process.

In your endless quest for prefection you have given up the opportunity to deeply drink from life, you have bypassed joy because it didn't come packaged how you thought it would, you have missed out on love that was right in front of you because it wasn't wrapped in a pretty bow.

What if you stopped- stopped reaching, stopped emptying yourself saying it was your repsonsibilty to fill another.

What if you were able to simply focus on nourishing you, what if you loved yourself in the same way you love your child, your partner, your best friend.

What if you treated yourself with such kindness, with such love, with such compassion.

What if you were able to forgive yourself for what you had done, what if you could forgive yourself for what you hadn't done...

What if you gave yourself extravagant love...

What if your love was contagious, what if it was so full, so beautiful, so full of light that people couldn't help but want to be around it, what if it was so contagious that it spilled over onto whoever shared your presence.

What if you made coming alive with love a priority?

What if you decided to seek out beauty like it was your mission in life?

What if you shared the gifts that you were given for the sheer joy of it?

What if you held yourself and your heart more gently?

What if you were able to see the beauty I see in you?

What if...

Musings on beauty, purpose and me...

A friend sent me a beautiful journal prompt yesterday:

"If you had to answer what type of mark you would like your time here to imprint on your life,
your soul, your spirit...what would you say? What in this life do you just want to experience for you, for your heart, just for Erica to be able to say...that filled me, my heart sang, I was, and I am....what do you want just for you?

... and I realized that as a Social Worker to the core, I don't often spend time with that question of nourishing me... it all to often turns external and towards helping others.  I have been trying to answer that question more frequently for myself recently and turns out it makes a huge difference in the ease of what I can offer others.  I have always told other people that you can't give what you don't have, but I haven't taken that to heart myself.  I haven't truly integrated that into every cell of my being.  So that has been my intention as of late, to deeply nourish me, my soul, to find what brings me joy... and to let go of the "shoulds" of the "buts" of all of those voices who keep me from joy.  So this was some of my response.

I think what brings me joy and what makes my heart sing is collecting moments of beauty... and being able to bring out beauty in people, in situations, in words... even it if is only for me. I love to live more deeply, to bring out the richness in life. To find the extraordinary in the ordinary.



To find the words that will add texture and life, to find the picture that will enhance the words...


I have also been reminded how much I like a guitar, a soulful voice and an authentic human being being lit from within with the passion and excitement for what they are doing. Being a part of that, being able to applaud and witness something so intimate.


All of these things make my heart sing... to sit here and weave words, to be able to pour out exactly where I am at any given point in time... that is something that makes my heart sing, that I crave... the time to really listen to my writers soul... to honor that deep need that I have to make sense of life on paper.

Believe in the Power of Your Dreams...

Photo by Desiree Quinlan

Listen to that small voice,
you know the one,
it is insistant,
but in such a gentle way that it can be easy to miss,
especially if you fill your life with noise...
there is fullness, and laughter, and joy that can sing...
but then there is noise...
the stuff that you know deep down you are only doing because you know to listen to your dreams is to make some changes...
and sometimes we will do anything to keep something from changing,
even when it constricts us, makes us small and tired.

I dare you..
make time for your dreams,
listen to them, let them unfold.
Sometimes it is so simple...
a new dress, a little time for you,
a cup of tea each night,
a poem that is waiting to be written,
a picture waiting to be taken,
but sometimes it does require bravery,
it requires courage,
it requires all the power you can muster...
I dare you.
You won't regret it.

Struck by beauty...

Two years ago I was given a camera, one of the best presents I have ever received- since then I have been a bit obsessed.

I have been taking pictures... of the ordinary, of the extraordinary and everything inbetween. And of course there is Facebook to share them on, Shutterfly to put them in beautiful books and Wal-Mart and Walgreens to print them out for a mere 12 cents to adorn my refrigerator door.

But it was more than that. Part of it is that I have been reminded of how fragile life is... people aren't in our lives forever, memories fade, usually faster than we would like them to, and life changes... and unfortunately as much as I cling to the safety of the known and beg life not to change, it just keeps changing. So the next best thing, I want to document it. I want to live my life fully and to have these little reminders of how amazing it truly was/is. To be reminded of the people, places and things that bring such meaning, joy and beauty into my life.

But lately as summer fades into fall I have been obsessed with pictures of the leaves with their vibrant yellows, of the brilliant reds and oranges that seem to be lit on fire in the setting sun.

And I have realized that is why I have continued to be obessesed with taking pictures... I feel like beauty is the footprint, the fingerprint, the mark of the Divine, and I want to capture it, I want to share the beauty that surrounds us at all times... I want people to be able to see what I see through the eyes of love... to be able to say, this is how I see the world... and perhaps that is why I write too... to try to do the same thing... to capture the beauty of love in a little square to pull out and enjoy time and time again.

Pitching Perfect...

I am posting this photo in honor of the Perfect Protest.

An author, speaker and all around amazing woman that I adore just released a book that I am excited about getting: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown

I am going to see her speak later on this month and I can't wait.
You can read more here.

Just imagine.
If we were able to let go of being perfect and instead were able to embrace who we really are... how much power would that unleash in the world? How much more compassion, love and healing could we focus on? How much more joy, peace and laughter we could partake in... how we could delight in life instead of comparing, contrasting and finding fault.

Just the other night I wrote this after a conversation with a friend...

Permission...

Whose permission are you waiting for?
go out on the dance floor,
write that book and stop the words from rolling around in your heart,
paint that picture that has been burning in your soul,
take that picture that you can see in your minds eye,
sing the song that is unsung in your heart,
create that thing that only you can see,
Live your life!

Give yourself permission.
Talk back to the fear.
Say NO when doubt whispers in your ear.
When you thinking, "but everyone else can do it so much better/prettier/more creatively/sexier/more authentically"....
STOP.

You are not everyone.
You are YOU.
Wonderfully, authentically, beautifully you.
Created to experience joy,
share love,
and to delight in all of the things we have been given.

Give yourself permission...
The world is waiting!



So... What would you do? How would your life be different?
What are you waiting for!?!?!!?

What I wish for you...

I originally wrote this for a friend... but realized there probably wasn't a heart that didn't need to be reminded of these things...


What I wish for you...

I wish for you peace, in this place of not knowing and of the shifting sands, I wish for you the knowledge that you are never alone, that you are held.

You are a child of God, loved, cherished and always looked out for.

I wish for you strength when yours is wearing thin,
hope when yours has been misplaced, and love to replace the fear.

You are a woman of integrity, of great passion and fierce tenacity.

You will be okay... it will require tears, prayers, soul searching, the love of friends and family and the grace of God, but all of these things you have, and you will be given exactly what you need.

I trust in this for you.

I see to the heart of you- and there is nothing but beauty and love.

These things I promise…

It won’t feel like this forever.

Somehow a path will be found,

the way will be made

~ even if it looks impossible now.

Remember impossible can also be I’m Possible.

Surround yourself...

Minnesota Zoo- Summer 2010

When you have lost sight of who you are you must surround yourself with

people who remember.

Brandi Carlile- Minnesota State Fair 2010

You know like you do when you take a great picture, see great art, or hear a beautiful song. Every fiber of your being resonates with recognition and anticipation. You feel it all the way to your core leaving no room for doubt. When you come to the silent still places there is no objection, there is nothing but a resounding YES! from every fiber of your being.

Great art is like this, great writing, great friendships...
and great love should be too.

Gentle Spirit...

Butterfly at the MN Zoo- Summer 2010

Something I found from 2004 that I had written... and it spoke to me today...

Within you is the voice of a gentle spirit.
If you listen, it will speak to you of strength
and encourage you with reassurance.
If you trust in it,
it will lead you home.

It’s time, gentle soul,
to wake up and share the beautiful person you are.
You’ve slumbered for a season, hiding yourself from the world.
Now it’s time to show off your colorful wings.
So look within yourself and let your spirit guide you.
Flutter into life-
its embrace waits for you.

Little by little...

Little by little she was regaining her footing in the world.

Broken Hearts...

How to heal a broken heart.

1. Accept the love.
It is a law in the Universe that the love you received from anyone isn’t lost, not even if the relationship changes form. That love will be replaced by love from other people and things, but you have to be willing to receive it. Show up when your friend invites you to dinner, make the phone call to your best friend when you feel tempted to sit and pout.

The Universe can only give you what you are willing to receive.

2. It won’t happen again.
Or it will. Regardless you don’t know that right now. And thinking, fearing, wondering isn’t going to help you. Right now you need to get through this. And anticipating the pain that may happen in the future, just to distract you from the pain you are feeling today doesn’t serve anyone.

3. Let go.
Of your dreams for what could have been, of your hopes for this life you have carefully crafted. It isn’t what needed to happen. If you are reading this and needing then it is broken. And as much as that hurts, there is some comfort in knowing that holding on to the shattered pieces and cutting your hands on the broken pieces isn’t helping and only creating more pain. Let it go.

4. What it doesn’t mean to let go.
It doesn’t mean you forget, it doesn’t mean you can’t spend some time and energy wishing it was different, but pay attention to when that is helpful and when it is hurtful. Remember, your time, energy and focus should be on healing, not on self-flagellation.

5. Learn your lessons.
There are lessons in any relationship, including those which take on new forms. And it will take awhile to learn your way in this new life of yours. Consider it a voyage to a different country. There are new customs to learn again, new foods to try, new ways of being. But learn your lessons and take those with you. They will serve you well as you explore your new country.

6. Go for the pleasure.
When you are in the midst of the darkness remind yourself of the light. Find some decadent chocolate cake and lose yourself in enjoying it, go swimming and feel the hug of the water as it envelops you and holds you in it’s gentle embrace, remember what lights you up and go do it… even if you feel like you are in someone else’s body and it feels awkward just go and invite pleasure back into your life.

7. Get physical.
Sitting in the same place, looking at the same things keeps your energy in the same place. Get moving, clear out some clutter, get rid of some cobwebs, take your broken heart and foggy brain for a run and feel yourself moving closer to healing with every step.

8. Hold yourself gently.
Healing takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight, and that would be a disservice to what you had. Find a way to honor your past without enshrining it, allow yourself to cry, to wail, to lament, and somewhere in the midst of it you will realize that you have moved past the pain towards a little more hope and somehow healing has found you.

9. Pray
Even if you don’t believe in anything. Ask something larger than you to hold your hand as you walk through this without a map. Someone somewhere in this world or another will respond to your invitation.

10. Believe.
Not always, not immediately, but at some level of your being there is a belief that it will get better, that you will find your way again, hold tightly to that small place. Focus on it, pay attention to it. It will hold you over in the darkest of nights.

(C) Erica Staab

Those who love you...

Minnesota Summer Sky, 2010 (c) Erica Staab

Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.
They remember your beauty when you feel ugly;
your wholeness when you are broken;
your innocence when you feel guilty;
and your purpose when you are confused.

African saying

So here is my prayer:

To the Universe who is continually conspiring in my favor…

As I go through each day

May I be held in your love, filled with your patience and drenched in grace.
May I find the space to live in love and to share and receive that love- freely and fully.
May I be surrounded by people who live in your Light, who find life an adventure, who speak my language, whose presence I can rest in.

For the moments of pain remind me that this too shall pass…
For the moments of joy remind me to fully sit in that place and let it permeate every fiber of my being.
For the moments of gratitude let it fill me completely and spill over.

When I am tempted to take the easy route remind me of the price I have already paid for ignoring my soul’s voice, remind me of the power I feel when I stand in my truth, when I honor my soul.
When I am daunted by the path ahead remind me that you are always in front of me to guide the way, at my back and on my sides to surround and sustain me.
When I am brave remind me that it is good to celebrate courage and to take time to honor facing the fear and sidestepping the doubt.

When I feel alone remind me of the angels that surround me.
When I am making choices remind me that the only choice is love.
When I allow the voice of fear it’s say, remind me that just because it is talking doesn’t mean I have to listen.

A thought...

Minnesota Zoo, Butterfly Garden, 8.12.10



I don’t know what will happen next, but...
What I do know is:
I have been given faith to live until the next moment,
I have found peace in the midst of chaos,
I have been given grace to ease the way,
I have been held in the midst of deep grief and loss,
and...
I have been surrounded by love in the midst of it all.

And for now, that is all I need to know.

For this, and so much more, I am grateful.

Rest...

North Shore, July 2009 (c) Erica Staab

Come rest in the arms of love,
come take shelter in the space made for you,
come release all you hold so tightly to,
come and breathe...

it is warm here,
let all that you cling to melt away,
in this space you are enough.
Just as you are,
just in this moment.
Enough.

Stop striving to be anywhere but here...
here is where healing begins,
here is where love takes flight.
Here is where you rest in wholeness.

Come rest in the arms of love.

Deep breath...

Allow yourself to simply be,

let this moment fill you- whatever it is, wherever you are, whatever it brings

sink into the moment of peace, of pain, of what is.

The pain will not break you, even though it may feel as though it will.

The peace will carry you, even though sometimes it feels closer than others.

The joy will sustain you, even when it feels fleeting.

The grief will ebb and flow, the healing will land softly in it's own time.

And tomorrow will hold it's own grace, it's own challenges and opportunities.

For this moment choose to be wherever you are.

What we learn...

It was my grandpa's 90th birthday recently.

And I feel like these three pictures tell his story more than I could.

His love of learning, his zest for life, for figuring things out, always looking up, his love of sharing knowlege and his love for family.

I have learned a lot from him, and I have realized that we have several things in common.

He asks questions about mechanical things and systems of doing things... his life is rooted in the farm, in the building and rebuilding, in the seasons of life as they roll on though. He has never met a stranger, just a friend he hasn't gotten to know quite yet, and often he will start a conversation with a question, believing that someone else has some sort of knowledge to impart that will help him understand the world.

I too ask questions, and although I don't delve in the realm of mechanics and tractors, I ask questions about people, about why they work. After watching for years him help people feel at ease and comfortable in the world I try to do the same.

Always with a sparkle in his eye, a long stride and an ever-ready laugh.

Happy 90th Grandpa!

Letting Grace in...

Nelson Farm- Barn Light (c) Erica Staab

Sometimes you need to make room for grace and light to enter.

Drinking Deeply...

Surround yourself with people who drink deeply of life.

People who show up, who are willing to laugh, to play, to learn,

people who are willing to make mistakes,

who travel lightly and tread carefully in the realm of the heart

but most importantly...

surround yourself with people who live to love.

Longing...

Stone Barn Window (c) E. Staab

If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the sea.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery


What do you long for?
What lights you up and causes you to burst with energy, awe and excitement?
What have you done to share that longing with another?

I recently went on a family adventure to go see this beautiful Stone barn that was made in the early 1920's. It was built by a master craftsman who obviously took pride in his work. It was amazing the details and the forward thinking that was inherent in the design and the workmanship of the barn. And although much of it has fallen victim to time and weather the beauty remains.

The Chosen Ones...

I went to an amazing retreat/conference/seminar last week that has recharged, renergized and reframed the way that I look at the world, my life and my work.

We all need times like that- to be surrounded, to be filled to the brim, to be revitalized, to remember why it is we are doing the hard work of mending broken souls, of healing hurts and helping to find new paths for our clients.

As a result as a gift to myself and the participants I wrote and shared this poem...

Our time together was a reminder that we all brings so many gifts, and that we all are called to use them! Not to just let them ramble around in our hearts and minds- unseen, unshared and unheard- but to let them spill out onto paper, through our voices and in our touch. It was a reminder to me to share the gifts I have been given, and in turn, frees others to share their gifts as well...

The Chosen Ones

I have touched the edge of your pain.
I have seen the tears hidden behind your eyes.
I feel the tears in the fabric of your heart.
I feel the doubt that rises up from within.

And yet,
I hear the power of your voice.
I see the strength you have to keep showing up.
I feel the vitality that resides deep within you,
the spark of light in the midst of darkness,
the seeds of hope you tend to so carefully.

I want you to know.
I see you.
I will stand with you.
Step into your power.
Trust your heart.
Follow your vision.

Your voice is needed,
to be added to the chorus of the healers who have gathered.

I invite you.
I dare you.

Stand in your truth.
Stand in your power.
Stand strong in your love.
You have been given all the tools you need.
Your journey has come to this point.

Go out:
choose love,
cultivate hope,
offer grace,
speak with compassion
love fiercely.

You have been called,
you are one of the chosen ones.

Kind of shy...

I wanted to take down my previous post, not because I don't agree with it, because I do, but because it could sound boastful... and to a Midwestern girl, well, that's just not what we do!

We don't talk about ourselves, our gifts, we don't take responsibility for our own growth... no matter how hard we worked to get there... somehow it just magically happens I guess :).

And what if someone is offended by my use of the word God... because they probably are.
And what if someone doesn't understand what I am trying to say... because they probably won't.

And after a deep breath I remembered...

People filter through their own lens, their own experience, they may attach meaning to things where I have assigned none, and may totally miss the meaning I am trying to convey... and for the most part- with a few exceptions- I have resigned myself to that. I have realized that it is so much less about me than I ever realized... no matter how often I start a sentence with I. Whoever reading it is the star and will mold the words and experience to fit their needs. And on a good day, that is actually quite liberating.

So for now I will remind myself:

Showing up, sitting down and writing out what is written on my heart.
There is bravery in showing up.
There is courage in sharing.
There is a lesson in letting go when you allow others to interpret as they will.
There is comfort in the sharing and finding you aren't as alone as you felt like you were...

That is why we try... we show up, we make statements, we take what works, and we leave what doesn't. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't... and for a recovering perfectionist the hardest thing to do is to leave on the table something that is unexplained, that may not be the perfect representation of me, of my abilities.

But that is part of the thrill of writing, of sharing, of showing up... you never know what you will find on the next page.

Diamonds...

Every day I am amazed at the gift I have for finding diamonds in the rough...

I have always been good at in minimal amounts of time pulling out the perfect quote, passing along just the right book, finding a great article that is applicable to a conversation...

it lights me up to be able to share with people what I have found, to let them know how much I value them, how much I appreciate their presence in my life... a quote in and of itself won't do that, but when picked just when ripe, plucked from the vine and given to the right recepient... that can be the work of God, with my hands... a balm to a bruised soul, wings to a broken heart, a rush of peace that all is as it should be...

When I remain open and allow the goodness of life to flow through, it rushes in, wisdom is shared, information is gleaned... and suddenly I am given things to share with others, which always brings me great joy...

But it is truly not me, there is a divine compoenent... I am the net that catches it... but I am grateful for the opportunity to fish.

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides."
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh (Gift from the Sea)

Ready...

Ready for life to take on a lighter feel.
Ready for the feeling of the sun on my face and the freedom of driving on the open road.
Ready to sit next to a campfire artfully turning the white lump of sugar into a perfectly toasted masterpiece.
Ready to hear the waves gently lap on the shore.
Ready to see the stars light up the evening sky.
Ready to feel summer all the way to my toes.
Ready to breathe deeply.

Tiny Miracles

It just occured to me as I was driving home from work, and looking at the beautiful flowers...

what an amazing miracle it is that they slowly unfurl all across the area at the same time.

Cosmic instructions imprinted in this little seed that pushes slowly open to reveal the secrets held within, growing, stretching and bursting forth with energy.

Sharing it's colors, beauty and scent so freely,

we are free to soak it all in and be renewed.

We are surrounded by these tiny miracles...

You just never know...

I wrote this as a response to an experience I had at a recent conference that I attended... just sitting down in front of the computer hoping I had something somewhat interesting or compelling to say.

Then I shared it in a small group during my sharing time...
and the group wanted to have copies...
then the pastor of my church wanted to share it during the sermon...
then she passed it to another group of people...
and all of a sudden something I just jotted down is being passed along...
funny how life works like that...
sometimes it can be just that simple...
sitting down, showing up and letting your heart spill over onto the page...



Called to Love

I believe we all bring something to the table.
I believe that who we are together is better than who we are alone.
I believe in building community.

I believe we are here to support one another,
to love one another,
to hold one another in the midst of darkness
and to dance together in the light of the sun.

I believe that life is full of moments we are called to express God’s love to one another in large ways…
but more importantly I believe we are here to express love in the small, tiny ways that pad our life with comfort, that line the walls of our heart-
often in preparation for the earthquakes that happen when your heart is broken open by loss and grief.

I believe that each moment is a call to love,
the opportunity to live out our faith,
to hold close the ones that we love,
to find ways to love those we would rather hold at arms length
and to continue to stumble along making the most of each day,
each night resting in the arms of God, covered in grace and filled with peace.

Love...

Sometimes you need to make room for love.

Sometimes the love you want is already there,
but not in the form you thought it would be.

Sometimes we loose sight of the love we have.

Sometimes we don't trust love to find us again.

Sometimes we just need to be reminded.

One thing I know for sure...
Love is always waiting for the invitation.

There is something to confession.
Whether it be to the wind, your journal, to your pet, or to another person.

There is something to clearing something off of your heart, just letting the words loose, and letting the fear fly with it.

When you air it out, somehow in the light of day it often looses its power.
And what you thought was so big, so meaningful, so looming,
often really isn't.

A Monday Musing...

There have been so many times this week that I have been brought to tears by beauty that is in my life (some of which I have shared here). People using their talents, following the urgings of their heart, who have found their calling, found their peace.. and moments later seeing those who are struggling to find a moment of peace and tranquility in the midst of the raging of life and their inner demons swirling around them.

And I take a moment now to sit with it.

To let it wash over me, the love, the pain, the hope, the beauty… life is so very full, so amazing, so fragile- yet stronger than anything I have ever known.

To feel the complexity of it all…
And yet, to know the simplicity of it…
LOVE is all that matters,
But I still struggle with the complexity of how that is lived out on a daily basis.

Sometimes the words that I struggle to string together don’t do it justice,
but I try anyway.

I show up and spill my heart on the page,
I share what has touched me,
I laugh with those who laugh,
I cry with those whose tears kiss their cheek and in turn touch my heart.

That is my Monday.

One of those days...

Today has been one of those days where every e-mail, every click I make I stumble upon something that feeds me, that is needed for someone else, that I am able to use to share this glorious life... I love days like that!

"Psychically, it is good to make a halfway place, a way station, a considered place in which to rest and mend after one escapes a famine. It is not too much to take one year, two years, to assess one's wounds, seek guidance, apply the medicines, consider the future. A year or two is scant time."
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves.

On the left hand side are notes from him, and then these hauntingly beautiful pictures…
http://www.dayswithmyfather.com

And this beautiful video
The Gift of An Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison
Katrina

Inspiration for my day...

It is Friday today, the sun is shining, the snow is melting, and in a tiny corner of my heart, I am finally hopeful that spring might show up!

Today I was inspired by two things... one is this video
Scroll down until you see Tish Jones and Rodrigo Sanchez-Chavarria
Performances by youthrive: LIVE! spokenword artists

And the other is this man's photography... he is the photographer for one of the programs that we work with and it is absolutely stunning...
Douglas Beasley

Beginning where you are...

I had not started a blog for a long time because I didn't know what to name it, I pondered that for months, what should be the topic, what do I need to focus on, what do I have to say?

And then I realized after being told time and time again that I needed to do this.

You start where you are.

You can always make it better, in fact it should just keep getting better. I won't be perfect at the beginning- but it will be something.

And something that I learned from my class I took recently at the Loft Literary Center-

Eat the Tots.
Write the book.

You can't call yourself a writer if you don't write.
So here goes... although it isn't a book- it is a glimpse into my eclectic life :).

So I will drop you right into today...
A rally at the State Capital held by the MN Coalition Against Sexual Assault, MN Coalition for Battered Women and others... Powerful, powerful time. And photos coming soon... but one of the poets there shared that he had created a video that I thought was worth sharing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNQAk58D9Vw

One of the consistent things that happens every day is I am amazed, awed and inspired by the people, places and love that surrounds us all.
Everything else... well it is pretty eclectic :).