Tuesday, August 24, 2010
How to heal a broken heart.
1. Accept the love.
It is a law in the Universe that the love you received from anyone isn’t lost, not even if the relationship changes form. That love will be replaced by love from other people and things, but you have to be willing to receive it. Show up when your friend invites you to dinner, make the phone call to your best friend when you feel tempted to sit and pout.
The Universe can only give you what you are willing to receive.
2. It won’t happen again.
Or it will. Regardless you don’t know that right now. And thinking, fearing, wondering isn’t going to help you. Right now you need to get through this. And anticipating the pain that may happen in the future, just to distract you from the pain you are feeling today doesn’t serve anyone.
3. Let go.
Of your dreams for what could have been, of your hopes for this life you have carefully crafted. It isn’t what needed to happen. If you are reading this and needing then it is broken. And as much as that hurts, there is some comfort in knowing that holding on to the shattered pieces and cutting your hands on the broken pieces isn’t helping and only creating more pain. Let it go.
4. What it doesn’t mean to let go.
It doesn’t mean you forget, it doesn’t mean you can’t spend some time and energy wishing it was different, but pay attention to when that is helpful and when it is hurtful. Remember, your time, energy and focus should be on healing, not on self-flagellation.
5. Learn your lessons.
There are lessons in any relationship, including those which take on new forms. And it will take awhile to learn your way in this new life of yours. Consider it a voyage to a different country. There are new customs to learn again, new foods to try, new ways of being. But learn your lessons and take those with you. They will serve you well as you explore your new country.
6. Go for the pleasure.
When you are in the midst of the darkness remind yourself of the light. Find some decadent chocolate cake and lose yourself in enjoying it, go swimming and feel the hug of the water as it envelops you and holds you in it’s gentle embrace, remember what lights you up and go do it… even if you feel like you are in someone else’s body and it feels awkward just go and invite pleasure back into your life.
7. Get physical.
Sitting in the same place, looking at the same things keeps your energy in the same place. Get moving, clear out some clutter, get rid of some cobwebs, take your broken heart and foggy brain for a run and feel yourself moving closer to healing with every step.
8. Hold yourself gently.
Healing takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight, and that would be a disservice to what you had. Find a way to honor your past without enshrining it, allow yourself to cry, to wail, to lament, and somewhere in the midst of it you will realize that you have moved past the pain towards a little more hope and somehow healing has found you.
Even if you don’t believe in anything. Ask something larger than you to hold your hand as you walk through this without a map. Someone somewhere in this world or another will respond to your invitation.
Not always, not immediately, but at some level of your being there is a belief that it will get better, that you will find your way again, hold tightly to that small place. Focus on it, pay attention to it. It will hold you over in the darkest of nights.
(C) Erica Staab