Saturday, October 30, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Letting go and making room...

I have been doing a lot of soul work lately... diggingly deeply with honesty, vulnerability and more than a little trepidation and looking at things that I want to let go of.  And as I list all of the things that I am letting go of and feeling all of the emotions that come along with that tonight it struck me that this should be my journal prompt "What could you make room for?"

And I realized that although I have been looking so intently at grief and loss and what I am letting go of, what I am losing, what I am releasing in focusing on that, I haven't given myself the opportunity to dream... I haven't stopped to think with all of this emptiness in my heart- what could I be making space for...

I am making space for love, for deep connections.
I am making space for the ability to move quickly to meet people where they are at, without having to pack up everything in my heart before I leave to meet them.
I am making space for possibility, for compassion, for light, for grace.

I am making room for light to enter, in the cracks of my certainty, in the crumbling walls of my defenses light and beauty have found their way through.
I am making room for healing.
I am making room for me stepping more fully into myself... into my power, into my own skin.

What are you making space for?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Holding space...

I will hold a space for you.
Large enough for your pain,
wide enough for love,
deep enough for grace.

What I have learned...

I have been crabby all day. 

A friend listened to me, didn't try to fix it, but just held the space for me as the tears fell...
and what do you know my crabbies went away...

I am learning the crabbies are usually just tears in disguise...

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

What if...

You are enough.

Stop striving, stop trying to reach perfection- you are losing yourself in the process.

In your endless quest for prefection you have given up the opportunity to deeply drink from life, you have bypassed joy because it didn't come packaged how you thought it would, you have missed out on love that was right in front of you because it wasn't wrapped in a pretty bow.

What if you stopped- stopped reaching, stopped emptying yourself saying it was your repsonsibilty to fill another.

What if you were able to simply focus on nourishing you, what if you loved yourself in the same way you love your child, your partner, your best friend.

What if you treated yourself with such kindness, with such love, with such compassion.

What if you were able to forgive yourself for what you had done, what if you could forgive yourself for what you hadn't done...

What if you gave yourself extravagant love...

What if your love was contagious, what if it was so full, so beautiful, so full of light that people couldn't help but want to be around it, what if it was so contagious that it spilled over onto whoever shared your presence.

What if you made coming alive with love a priority?

What if you decided to seek out beauty like it was your mission in life?

What if you shared the gifts that you were given for the sheer joy of it?

What if you held yourself and your heart more gently?

What if you were able to see the beauty I see in you?

What if...

Friday, October 8, 2010

Musings on beauty, purpose and me...

A friend sent me a beautiful journal prompt yesterday:

"If you had to answer what type of mark you would like your time here to imprint on your life,
your soul, your spirit...what would you say? What in this life do you just want to experience for you, for your heart, just for Erica to be able to say...that filled me, my heart sang, I was, and I am....what do you want just for you?

... and I realized that as a Social Worker to the core, I don't often spend time with that question of nourishing me... it all to often turns external and towards helping others.  I have been trying to answer that question more frequently for myself recently and turns out it makes a huge difference in the ease of what I can offer others.  I have always told other people that you can't give what you don't have, but I haven't taken that to heart myself.  I haven't truly integrated that into every cell of my being.  So that has been my intention as of late, to deeply nourish me, my soul, to find what brings me joy... and to let go of the "shoulds" of the "buts" of all of those voices who keep me from joy.  So this was some of my response.

I think what brings me joy and what makes my heart sing is collecting moments of beauty... and being able to bring out beauty in people, in situations, in words... even it if is only for me. I love to live more deeply, to bring out the richness in life. To find the extraordinary in the ordinary.

To find the words that will add texture and life, to find the picture that will enhance the words...

I have also been reminded how much I like a guitar, a soulful voice and an authentic human being being lit from within with the passion and excitement for what they are doing. Being a part of that, being able to applaud and witness something so intimate.

All of these things make my heart sing... to sit here and weave words, to be able to pour out exactly where I am at any given point in time... that is something that makes my heart sing, that I crave... the time to really listen to my writers soul... to honor that deep need that I have to make sense of life on paper.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Believe in the Power of Your Dreams...

Photo by Desiree Quinlan

Listen to that small voice,
you know the one,
it is insistant,
but in such a gentle way that it can be easy to miss,
especially if you fill your life with noise...
there is fullness, and laughter, and joy that can sing...
but then there is noise...
the stuff that you know deep down you are only doing because you know to listen to your dreams is to make some changes...
and sometimes we will do anything to keep something from changing,
even when it constricts us, makes us small and tired.

I dare you..
make time for your dreams,
listen to them, let them unfold.
Sometimes it is so simple...
a new dress, a little time for you,
a cup of tea each night,
a poem that is waiting to be written,
a picture waiting to be taken,
but sometimes it does require bravery,
it requires courage,
it requires all the power you can muster...
I dare you.
You won't regret it.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Struck by beauty...

Two years ago I was given a camera, one of the best presents I have ever received- since then I have been a bit obsessed.

I have been taking pictures... of the ordinary, of the extraordinary and everything inbetween. And of course there is Facebook to share them on, Shutterfly to put them in beautiful books and Wal-Mart and Walgreens to print them out for a mere 12 cents to adorn my refrigerator door.

But it was more than that. Part of it is that I have been reminded of how fragile life is... people aren't in our lives forever, memories fade, usually faster than we would like them to, and life changes... and unfortunately as much as I cling to the safety of the known and beg life not to change, it just keeps changing. So the next best thing, I want to document it. I want to live my life fully and to have these little reminders of how amazing it truly was/is. To be reminded of the people, places and things that bring such meaning, joy and beauty into my life.

But lately as summer fades into fall I have been obsessed with pictures of the leaves with their vibrant yellows, of the brilliant reds and oranges that seem to be lit on fire in the setting sun.

And I have realized that is why I have continued to be obessesed with taking pictures... I feel like beauty is the footprint, the fingerprint, the mark of the Divine, and I want to capture it, I want to share the beauty that surrounds us at all times... I want people to be able to see what I see through the eyes of love... to be able to say, this is how I see the world... and perhaps that is why I write too... to try to do the same thing... to capture the beauty of love in a little square to pull out and enjoy time and time again.