Friday, December 31, 2010
Sometimes to be me...
Sometimes to be me means to be reverent and quiet, just drinking in beauty.
Sometimes to be me means to have my eyes tear up because I am so grateful for all that I have, all that I have been given and all that is waiting.
Sometimes to be me means it is inordinately hard to figure out how to be my idealist self in this very mucky real world place.
Sometimes to be me is painful... to see so much love, to see so much pain, to let so much in and out of my heart.
Sometimes to be me is to have to let go to things I would much rather hold on to, and sometimes it means I need to hold on when I would just prefer to let go.
Sometimes to be me means the weight of all of the world is just too much and I wonder if it is worth it, to love this much, to feel this much, to know this much.
It is best to be me. No matter what... because the pain comes from denying myself, from trying to fit into places I don't fit, from making my soul or my love too small or fitting myself into places made for someone else or someone else's version of me.
I am meant to be radiantly joyful, beautiful, and perfectly me.
And I am learning....
I am learning how to live in this body and claim it as mine.
I am learning how to be radiantly joyful in the midst of pain and to make room for blessings when I am frozen in fear.
I am learning when to hold on and when to let go.
I am learning to ask for help and then be willing to receive it.
I am learning that often the right choice for me is the one that feels effortless and I no longer need to push boulders up hills... that sometimes the easier choice is the right choice
I am learning that we all stumble, we all fall, we all need grace and everything we need is right in front of us.