Monday, June 14, 2010

Kind of shy...

I wanted to take down my previous post, not because I don't agree with it, because I do, but because it could sound boastful... and to a Midwestern girl, well, that's just not what we do!

We don't talk about ourselves, our gifts, we don't take responsibility for our own growth... no matter how hard we worked to get there... somehow it just magically happens I guess :).

And what if someone is offended by my use of the word God... because they probably are.
And what if someone doesn't understand what I am trying to say... because they probably won't.

And after a deep breath I remembered...

People filter through their own lens, their own experience, they may attach meaning to things where I have assigned none, and may totally miss the meaning I am trying to convey... and for the most part- with a few exceptions- I have resigned myself to that. I have realized that it is so much less about me than I ever realized... no matter how often I start a sentence with I. Whoever reading it is the star and will mold the words and experience to fit their needs. And on a good day, that is actually quite liberating.

So for now I will remind myself:

Showing up, sitting down and writing out what is written on my heart.
There is bravery in showing up.
There is courage in sharing.
There is a lesson in letting go when you allow others to interpret as they will.
There is comfort in the sharing and finding you aren't as alone as you felt like you were...

That is why we try... we show up, we make statements, we take what works, and we leave what doesn't. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't... and for a recovering perfectionist the hardest thing to do is to leave on the table something that is unexplained, that may not be the perfect representation of me, of my abilities.

But that is part of the thrill of writing, of sharing, of showing up... you never know what you will find on the next page.


  1. I needed to hear that...

    Your bravery shines through in all that you do. Your leaps of faith, your willingness to share them, the way your art, your voice, your very soul has developed as a result of your courage and your willingness to take risks. You amaze me :)

  2. I am so thankful you didn't take it down, you said what many of us feel. Every time I write or sometimes say things from the heart I have 2nd thoughts until someone comments that it has touched them in some way. Some times I hear nothing but feel lighter for saying it anyway.
    Like I've said before thank you for being you and sharing your heart.