Friday, December 31, 2010
Sometimes to be me means to be reverent and quiet, just drinking in beauty.
Sometimes to be me means to have my eyes tear up because I am so grateful for all that I have, all that I have been given and all that is waiting.
Sometimes to be me means it is inordinately hard to figure out how to be my idealist self in this very mucky real world place.
Sometimes to be me is painful... to see so much love, to see so much pain, to let so much in and out of my heart.
Sometimes to be me is to have to let go to things I would much rather hold on to, and sometimes it means I need to hold on when I would just prefer to let go.
Sometimes to be me means the weight of all of the world is just too much and I wonder if it is worth it, to love this much, to feel this much, to know this much.
It is best to be me. No matter what... because the pain comes from denying myself, from trying to fit into places I don't fit, from making my soul or my love too small or fitting myself into places made for someone else or someone else's version of me.
I am meant to be radiantly joyful, beautiful, and perfectly me.
And I am learning....
I am learning how to live in this body and claim it as mine.
I am learning how to be radiantly joyful in the midst of pain and to make room for blessings when I am frozen in fear.
I am learning when to hold on and when to let go.
I am learning to ask for help and then be willing to receive it.
I am learning that often the right choice for me is the one that feels effortless and I no longer need to push boulders up hills... that sometimes the easier choice is the right choice
I am learning that we all stumble, we all fall, we all need grace and everything we need is right in front of us.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
A friend talked about how she was listening to a John O'Donohue interview where he had said "you are more than your pain"... and it occured to me that that is something I need to remember now.
I am more than my pain.
I am more than this moment.
I am more than my losses.
Yes, they have carved their presence deep within my heart. But even larger yet is the love that has tended my wounds, the grace that has washed over me daily, and the hope that holds me in the midst of the darkness.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
I was reminded tonight of a lot of things.
Gathering with good friends can do that.
I was reminded of how beautiful my friends are, on the inside and out...
I was reminded how sometimes we tend to forget our beauty and it is nice to be reminded...
I was reminded of how much we crave authenticity...
I was reminded how we are all so different~ yet we each bring something so unique and needed to our little hodge-podge mix of friends...
I was reminded of how healing it is to laugh with friends that have laughed with you, cried with you, who know you in all of your moods
I was reminded how spending time with them is like slipping into a warm pair of your favorite pjs.
I am reminded of how much we need each other.
I am reminded of how truly blessed I am.